Not Running Anymore
by Smackalicious
Summary: Roz reflects on Frasier, her feelings and how she can't let him leave without letting him know. A different take on the series finale. Roz POV. Frasier/Roz.


**Title: Not Running Anymore**  
><strong>Pairing: FrasierRoz**  
><strong>Rating: T<strong>  
><strong>Genre: Het<strong>  
><strong>Cat: Episode Tag, Romance<strong>  
><strong>Spoilers: No Sex Please, We're Skittish and Goodnight, Seattle<strong>  
><strong>Warnings: None.<strong>  
><strong>Summary: Roz reflects on Frasier, her feelings and how she can't let him leave without letting him know. A different take on the series finale. Roz POV.<strong>  
><strong>Author's Note: My first Frasier fic! Though definitely not a recent fandom for me. I shipped these two back in middle school &amp; that was the midlate-90s, so that says how old I am, lol. Just recently got re-obsessed with the show & my favorite pairing on the show, so expect more fic featuring these two. I apologize if this is a little rough; still trying to get used to writing these two. I hope you all enjoy!**

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><p>If there's one thing I'm good at, it's hiding my emotions. And by that I mean <em>real <em>emotions, not just anger. I've gotten better at expressing myself, thanks to Frasier, but sometimes it's hard to let people in on just how you're feeling. I hate feeling vulnerable, so if I know how a situation is going to turn out, and if I know it won't be in my benefit, I'll admit to lying to spare myself the extra heartbreak. I'm not particularly proud of it, but you do what you need to do in order to keep things running smoothly.

So I told Frasier I wasn't in love with him. And that was a big, fat lie.

I mean, he was with Julia, and knowing how well I get along with her, he'd probably think it was some ploy to get them to break up. When Julia asked me about it, I truly did think she was out of her mind. Me, in love with Frasier. Yeah, and I'm the Virgin Mary. But the more I saw them together, the more I saw how happy he was with her and how completely fake she was being with him, the more I needed to warn him about her, for his own good. At least that's what I told myself.

I can't believe I gave him that ultimatum. God, I still feel like an idiot about it. But what made me feel like even more of an idiot was that he didn't pick me. _He didn't pick me._

I went home angry, _furious _at him for choosing her over me. But then I started to think about it and realized, why should he have picked me, when I was being petty and childish and, yes, jealous? And then I just felt miserable. I was willing to throw away 10 years of friendship because I thought his girlfriend was a bitch? That was just pathetic, even for me.

But I was ready to make a new start, hoping that some space would give me the clarity I needed – and hopefully, show Frasier how much of an idiot he was being by staying with Julia. I might love him, but he's a pompous ass and is unable to see beyond a pretty face and sweet words, especially when those words stroke his huge ego.

That's another reason I didn't tell him the truth – who actually confronts somebody assuming you're in love with them? It was one thing when Julia said it, then when _Niles _brought it up I had thoroughly convinced myself that wasn't it, but Frasier thought the same thing? I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of letting him know he was right, not about something so huge. That and, well, like I said earlier, I knew how things were going to turn out if I told him the truth. He obviously doesn't feel the same way about me; I couldn't stand having him look at me with pity. Oh, poor Roz, fell in love with her boss. Poor, silly Roz.

So I just lied, pretended things were fine, that I didn't love him as anything more than a friend, and watched him go on date after date with women that maybe he'd be happy with. That hurt, I can't lie about that, but I tried to tell myself that if he found someone who truly made him happy, if he was really happy with his life, then I would be happy for him.

Does _anybody _buy that crap?

I'd already spent years watching him get his hopes up, only to get his heart broken. I was getting tired of it – not only because I hate to see him hurting, but God, can he whine. And I know if we were together, things wouldn't be perfect, but I would not put him through that again.

I realize that's a pretty big if, but it's something I had come to realize . . . that if I had a chance, I should take it. I'm no shrinking violet, and I sure as hell wasn't going to let something like Frasier leaving Seattle stop me from being happy. He might not feel the same way, but I couldn't live with not knowing. Like Frasier would say, carpe diem. Seize the day.

I knew he was on his way to the airport, but hoped I could get there and get to him before he left, so I could at least let him know how I feel.

I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath as I opened my front door, knowing it was now or never, and when I opened my eyes. . .

"Hello, Roz."

"Frasier!" What the hell was he doing here? Oh, screw it, I wasn't about to complain. "What are you doing here? You're going to miss your flight!"

He shook his head. "I'm not going."

I felt dizzy, like this was all some crazy dream. There was no way. . . "What? Why? Frasier. . ."

"I was on my way to the airport when I started thinking. I couldn't get the image of you crying out of my head."

"Oh my God, Frasier, you're not leaving because of _me_? I know I was upset, but it's not like we'd never see each other again. . ." What in the world was I doing? I had just been on my way to the airport to stop him from leaving, and now he was here, not leaving, and I was trying to talk him out of it?

He reached over and grabbed my shoulders, an eager look on his face. "I was about to do something crazy and go to Chicago, follow Charlotte, but as I drove, I realized that wasn't what I wanted, _she _wasn't what I wanted."

My mouth suddenly felt dry, like I swallowed a bunch of cotton. "What are you saying, Frasier?" I was fairly sure of what he was going to say, and it was what I wanted to hear, but the thought of it actually happening was enough to make me feel light-headed.

"I can't believe it took me this long to realize it, but you are the one I believe I was meant to find." He took my hands in his, and if he noticed how clammy they'd become, he didn't comment on it. "All those times we skirted around our attraction to each other, and then when we actually acted on it. . . The timing wasn't right. I think we needed it to happen and then the time apart for us to discover what was in front of us the whole time."

I knew he was talking, but all I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears. I looked up at him and he seemed to understand that I wasn't quite processing his words. He smiled at me and guided me back inside, taking charge as he always did. God, what would I do without him?

He pushed me down on the sofa and joined me, taking one of my hands in his again. "I know this is a lot to take in, but I do hope you're not completely averse to the idea of us pursuing something."

Averse to the idea? Oh my God. If he only knew. And then I started laughing, because it was just too unbelievable, but then I was crying, because he _wasn't _leaving. He was staying. For me.

"Oh, dear." Frasier started patting my shoulder, and I tried to figure out what the hell he was doing, but then he spoke again. "Roz, I know you weren't that impressed when we slept together, and there are surely other men out there you'd rather be with, but I didn't honestly think my proposition was going to cause tears." He continued fretting in his usual Frasier way and I almost slapped him. For being a psychiatrist, he sure sucked at reading people sometimes.

"I'm not upset, you idiot."

He looked surprised to hear that. "You're not?"

"No! Can't you see? I'm in love with you, Frasier."

His mouth dropped open, and I watched him try to make sense of what I'd just told him. Had I actually rendered him speechless? Damn. If I'd known it would've been that easy, I'd have told him I was in love with him ages ago.

Finally, the words seemed to click and a smile bloomed on his face. I don't think I'd ever seen him look happier. I know I'd never felt happier myself. At last, he reached over and engulfed me in a hug. And we've hugged countless times, but this felt different.

He hummed into my hair and I grinned at the sound, then he mumbled, "I knew you couldn't resist my charms forever."

"God, you're an ass," I muttered back, but I couldn't stop smiling. This was it. It was _it_. I'd fallen in love countless times before, but I knew this was different. Frasier wouldn't break my heart, and I was determined as hell not to break his. We already had years of friendship, _deep _friendship, going for us and we'd been through some really tough times together and come out of it with an even stronger relationship. It was probably the healthiest relationship I had with anybody, really, and I hoped taking things further wouldn't affect that.

Frasier ran his hand down my back and asked, "What are you thinking?" I closed my eyes and thought about how to respond. I knew I could be honest with him; I just needed to figure out how to phrase what I wanted to say.

Finally, I pulled back so I could look him in the eye and shrugged. "Just how surreal this seems. I'll be honest – I've had feelings for you for a while now, but something held me back from telling you. I guess I was just worried that you didn't feel the same way, that telling you would make things awkward until we drifted apart, and I didn't want to lose you. I know I said we'd always be friends, but things were different then. I didn't know how you would react if I admitted I wanted something more." I hadn't intended on telling him this much, but there was just something about him that made you want to talk and talk. "I was almost positive you didn't feel the same way. Why would you?" Oh, God, here come the tears again.

He reached over and wiped my tears away. "Why not?" he said, and his voice was so soft and so honest it made me want to start crying all over again. "Roz, you're one of the most amazing people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. You're beautiful, intelligent, witty, a wonderful mother and an incredible businesswoman. My God, you're the station manager of KACL now! You've come so far, and I consider myself honored to have been a part of your journey to the top."

"Oh, Frasier." I initiated the hug this time. For as self-absorbed as the man can be, he really knows how to make someone feel good about themselves. I pulled back from the hug after a few moments and laughed, feeling the need to lighten the situation. "So that's it, huh? I become station manager and suddenly you want a piece of this?"

"Maybe I just remembered how good of a kisser you are," he said, looking rather proud of himself for his pickup line. But I wasn't about to let him win this one. I hadn't dated half of Seattle without being somewhat adept at flirting.

"You know," I said, feigning confusion, "I don't really remember how you were at kissing. Care to remind me?"

He grinned. "Touché, Roz. Touché."

And then we were kissing, and when I told him a couple years ago that he was a good kisser, I most certainly was not lying about it. He still had a few things to work on in the bedroom, but we had plenty of time for that. In the meantime, I'd settle for kissing. Definitely not complaining.

I could tell things were getting pretty heated, and I didn't have any problem with that, because I trusted Frasier and it wasn't like we hadn't already slept together, but he pulled away.

"I am sorry, Roz, I got a bit carried away," he said, and I had to roll my eyes.

"Did you hear me complaining?" My God, no wonder he was so unlucky in relationships. Well, until now, that is. Of course.

"I just don't want to rush things," he said, reaching over to brush some hair behind my ear. I'm not a sappy type, but I felt like I was going to melt from the way he was looking at me. He really did want me.

But I snapped out of it. "Rush things? Frasier, we've already slept together! I don't think we could rush things more, unless we got married." Oh, _crap_. "Oh my God, you weren't going to propose to me, were you? Because I don't think I could handle that. I mean, until 5 minutes ago, I didn't even know you had feelings for me! I'm still trying to wrap my head around it."

Frasier shook his head and patted my hand, like I was one of his patients or a child, and it kind of annoyed me, but I guess I was acting irrational. Of course he wasn't going to propose to me. That would be ridiculous. But then again, why would it be? I'm a desirable woman. It wasn't like I'd never been proposed to before. Not that I was going to tell Frasier that.

"If I was truly worried about rushing things, do you think I would be preparing a proposal?" Frasier said, and when he put it like that, I really felt like an idiot. Man, was I that out of it?

"Sorry, I guess I'm just not thinking straight lately. It's been a crazy couple of days, you know." Suddenly the gravity of everything that had happened recently dawned on me and I let out a deep breath. "I'm the station manager now. And then you said you were leaving, and I was trying to get used to the idea of you not being around, and that was not easy, let me tell you. Lucky for you, I still hadn't processed it, and I wasn't about to let you leave without telling you how I felt. You know, when I let you in earlier, I was just about to go to the airport and stop you from leaving, or at least get everything out in the open. I was scared to death, but I knew I had to do it. For you. And I guess, for us."

Frasier was looking at me like I was the only person in the world, and it warmed me all over. "Love can be a terrifying thing, but it is always worth the risk. Life really isn't worth living if you can't be surrounded with those you love. The job opportunity in San Francisco was fantastic, but I realized I'd be walking away from the people who mean the most to me – Dad, Niles, Daphne, and yes, you. Especially you, Roz. I thought I was happy with Charlotte, but I realized I was settling, yet again. She was perfectly fine, everything I thought I wanted, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized. . . she wasn't you. You're fun and exciting, you challenge me and piss me off. We're completely different, but there's something about us that just works and always has. Charlotte was too much like me and I realized I'd never be able to grow as a person if I stayed with her. I need you, Roz." He paused. "And I love you."

I found myself crying again and swore internally. I don't know how Frasier always manages to turn me into a big pile of mush, but he does, every time. I guess it's part of what I love about him. "Oh, Frasier," was all I managed to say before I launched myself at him. Nice response, I know, but I'm no radio psychiatrist; I'm not one for big speeches.

And he just held me, and it was wonderful. _Perfect. _I'd never felt so special, so loved. I almost felt like I didn't deserve it, but I chased that thought away, because I sure as hell deserved for something good to happen to me. And it was.

Frasier was staying. He loved me, and I loved him. We were going to be together, hopefully for a long, long time. And since I was station manager, I could hire him back immediately, like he'd never quit in the first place. Everything was finally falling into place, and I couldn't be happier.

**THE END!**


End file.
